The Canonical Penguin: Close but No Cigar

In some of the old family stories I have told, I have jokingly referred to us in mob or criminal terms just to make a funny. However there really is a bit of the darker, potentially dangerous and criminal in a couple of family tales I will write about today

This first story took place when I was about 7-8 years old. My grandmother lived with us growing up and often babysat for the crew when my parents had other obligations – my dad with the VFW and Democratic Party in Queens, my mother with the Catholic Church and school in our community. It is on one of those nights that this occurred. It was late in the evening, my grandmother watching us, and we were sitting in the dining room. It had lace curtains on the windows facing the back yard. The curtains moved on their own and we went to the window to peer outside, convinced that there was someone in the yard looking in the window. My grandmother, who was prone to overreaction, especially in regards to overprotecting the grand kids, reached an emotional high and a dash to the telephone to call the police. For some reason cooler heads prevailed for a bit and another check of the yard, including turning the porch light on, didn’t reveal anyone or anything there. The explanation – leaky, drafty windows allowed wind to move the curtains, dark outside / light inside created a reflection on the window of one of us, seen by my grandmother and kids but believed to be someone outside. No doubt my parents were saved the embarrassment of explaining to the cops they were called because of a reflection.

(not the alarm on corner of 214th place and Northern Boulevard, but an incredible simulation)

The second story occurred a few years later when I was maybe 12 or so and involved me, my brother Mike and almost brother Tom. Again it was late in the day and we were hanging out, playing in the backyard. On the facing block there was a house and the upstairs bedroom window was open. Curtains fluttered in the breeze, and there was a smell of smoke in the air. As we looked up at the window in the fading light, we saw a flickering light. Quickly we convinced ourselves that there was a fire in the bedroom and we needed to call the fire department. We ran from the house, down the block, around the corner and up to the fire alarm box. All set to pull it, we paused. Looking at each other we turned and went around the rest of the block to the front of the house in question. No smoke, no fire, no commotion. Again, disaster averted. Imagine the embarrassment for us and our parents trying to explain that little tidbit to the police.

Ah, living the life of an almost criminal…

(These are stories about things that actually happened with plenty of witnesses. It has passed from the apocryphal to canonical in nature. Wiki says of canon – “material that is considered to be "genuine", "something that actually happened", or can be directly referenced as material produced by the original author or creator.”)